Stronger than Stress with Barb Roose

 Special guest Barb Roose is the author of "Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm." She's also a speaker,  literary agent, and Bible teacher. According to her website, "She is a real woman who's experienced deep anxiety, parenting challenges, family addiction trauma, and long seasons of walking by faith in unanswered prayer."

Lifestyle medicine has six pillars: restorative sleep, nutritional eating, physical fitness, minimizing harmful substances and social connectedness. But when we talk about stress, it affects all of them. It's an overarching theme to health. 

Barb:  We know that stress is out there and we talk about it openly. "Oh, I'm so stressed." Like if you talk with people, stress is going to naturally come up. And so there's this social acceptedness that there is stress. The reason why I wrote the book and the reason why I want to engage in these conversations is because you and  I are aware of the damage.  And so it's a situation, particularly as women, we just live with stress. And so it is trying to elevate the hidden damage of chronic stress and to convince women not to set themselves on fire to keep everybody else warm.  

The challenge is these days, as women, we want to protect what we love. We want to fix what's broken. We want to get things on track. I call it the good Christian woman syndrome. We will sacrifice ourselves trying to be everything to everybody.   

We keep little people alive or a spouse.   We found keys every day so that a spouse could get to work.  In some ways, there was a season where so much relied upon us, but there are those practical moments where we have to remember that there is a God. And it's not us.   

Dr. Vickie: That is so , absolutely true. There is a God and it's not us. And I think that's the thing. When we take on all that responsibility, we learn to depend on ourselves  and then we think we don't need God until our whole lives start unraveling.

Barb: I use spinning spinning plates as a metaphor for  all of the things that we have happening in our lives. And I recognize the reality that there are some of you listening and you've  got spinning plates. The big picture of the book. is helping us recognize that God can actually take care of us and our spinning plates so that we can take care of ourselves.  

Dr. Vickie: Practically speaking, how does that play out?  

Well, my favorite chapter title of the book is, "Get Off the Cross, Honey. Somebody needs the wood." Sometimes we can't just convince people that they need to change.    They have to feel their need for change.   And what I want to do is create that feel for the need of change by using Jesus' words in Matthew. And so in this chapter, I cover Jesus' words and he says, "Come to me, everyone who is weary and heavy burdened." And, I think that pretty much everyone listening is going to say, yep. I am  weary and heavy burdened. In the original language,  weary was all about feeling like everything was on you. That self-sufficiency, that's what the weariness is that Jesus was talking about, and then carrying heavy burdens. That is about all of the expectations, all of the duties, all of the to-dos and the do mores. And so if you are exhausted by all of that, overwhelmed, Jesus doesn't tell you, you've got to read your Bible  five days a week. He doesn't say you've got to pray for 45 minutes a day. He says, "Come." It's an invitation. And what he wants to give us is rest. He wants to care. The work has to be done, but He wants to teach us how to live in him. So that we let Jesus carry the weight as we do the work of our lives.  

When I think about that verse, like the word picture, Jesus goes on to say, take my yoke upon you. And yoke always felt like this really antiquated word, but yoke still exists. And most of us know that a  yoke is where they have one animal that is  basically harnessed to another animal and the visualization is that there is a more experienced animal that helps teach the younger animal the way to go.

Now, Vickie, I don't know about you, but when I am left to my own  devices and I'm trying to live apart from God,   I am going to wander. I'm going to stomp on things that I shouldn't stomp on. I'm going to go too fast. I'm going to reckon the things. And so when Jesus says. Take my yoke upon you.  what Jesus essentially is saying, let me put  my arm around you, around  your shoulder, because essentially stress has us in a choke hold.

It is a choke hold that is strangling us. We are often, Vickie, sometimes we try to run ahead of what God is doing in our lives. Can I get an amen?  

And so Jesus, he's putting his arm around us and I find it very interesting that on a shirt, the shoulder area of the shirt in construction is called a yoke.

And so Jesus is putting his arm around our yoke and he's saying, learn from me. Let me teach you. He's saying, let me teach you the right pace to live. Let me teach you the path  to follow. Let me guide you so  that you're not trying to run ahead and figure things out on your own.  so Jesus, who has the experience, who is our peace, is teaching us the pace so that we don't live stressed every day.  

I love that picture of pace because I want to be productive. I want to do things. I want people to be able to depend on me. I want to fulfill my purpose. And it's just as bad for our health for us to live without intentionality and without purpose. And so the point is not just to say, Jesus, take the wheel. I'm just going to sit back and do nothing. It's let's walk this out together.  

We have these things that God has called us to do. We, and women, if you're, or whoever's listening, men and women, we  should have purpose. We should have kingdom  oriented goals. We should have people we're investing with. Even if you're retired.

I heard this years ago. This amazing story of a man. He was a neurosurgeon and he developed a spinal condition and after like a dozen surgeries, he was medically disabled.  That  man ran Bible study groups, on Zoom people around the world from his hospital bed in his home. So he still had work that he had to do.  We all  have work no matter where we're at.  

But what Jesus wants to make sure of is that our work is not wrecking us, that we are not running in chaos from sun up till sun down. He wants us to experience his peace.  And the peace is only found in him.  

Dr. Vickie: So true, and peace is really lacking. I feel like so many of us live on a merry go round. And sometimes we're busy without actually accomplishing anything that is of eternal value.  

Barb: Well, yeah, because the urgent over the important. We're just playing whack a mole every day, trying to do the to do list. And again, we're doing it with the best of intentions. But part of why I wanted to write this book on spiritual practices, because  these are the practices that Jesus wants to teach  us so that our days have meaning and value. Because the last thing we want to do is get to whenever the end of our lives are, and us wonder if we made a difference. The way of Jesus is the way to help us make a difference.   

Dr. Vickie: Resting in Him, peace in His methods, and a plan and a purpose  for our lives. It's all built on trust. I think so many times we think, but this is the way I want my life to go. So I'm pushing, pushing, pushing. When God's saying, come to me, slow down. That's, that's not my plan and purpose for you. And we just, we have to rest in that. We really do. And rest has always been a four letter word for me.  

Barb: There is a spiritual practice. that incorporates rest. But if I can share a personal example, I recently had some blood work done. I'm a woman of a certain age now. I had gone into the  doctor to have blood work done so that I  could start hormone replacement therapy. And so she wanted me to have an extra panel done because she wanted to make sure I had all the options available. This was about a month ago. I go in, I get the blood work done and I, it's the day before my book party celebration.   So I have four interns who are in town, who've flown in, and I'm hosting a retreat for them. It was all planned out. No stress. I had my book launch party at my church that next day, all planned out, interns, no, no stress.  That morning when I woke up the day of the party at 7. 30am, the  first message I had was from my mother, who lives two  hours away, who's my emergency contact and said, the hospital lab has an emergency phone, they need you to call them. And Vickie, your listeners won't appreciate this, but you will. It was an emergency because my hemoglobin was only 5.6.

Dr. Vickie: You were running on empty. 

Barb: So here's the thing, no symptoms.  So at 8 a. m. that morning, I get this phone call that says, You are dangerously anemic. And what are you going to do about it? And I was like, well, okay,  the day goes on and there were things that just kept popping up. One of my kids had a sick dog. Another kid was throwing up in the bathroom. I had signs that weren't delivered. I had an ex boyfriend  that I hadn't seen in three years surprise  show up to the book launch party!  And so I share all of this because there are going to be unexpected things that happen.

But what I have learned over the years of the spiritual practices  is what it looks like to keep Jesus' peace at the forefront of my mind. Now, did I feel Some pressure because I was like that's a lot to happen to somebody in one day . And  that's not everything that happened But I learned through the spiritual practices One of the cornerstones in the book is surrender. Most of our stress as women is because we are trying to stay in control of everything .

The title of the chapter is the Surrender Prayer and it's "God, I can't. But you can,  and I will let you." And so I had to really focus on that surrender prayer. And then there's another practice of gratitude. It's in the celebration chapter. I want to keep a spirit of gratitude.

I'm not ignoring  everything that's happening. I hadn't had a symptom. I had been sleeping fine, working out full energy, all of this. And I was like, Lord, I  have no idea what's happening here. My body is not doing great, but God, I feel great. And so I practiced gratitude. And so throughout the day, I was incorporating those spiritual simplicity when my day got chaotic. I was like, okay, Barb, let's stay  focused. You can't do everything, but if you can  only do one thing, what can that do? And so these practices help us to stay focused on what the most important things are, but we have to learn how to use them consistently over time.   

Dr. Vickie: I would say in advance of a stressful moment, you obviously had some practice using those tools when all of that came at you. And I used to have women all the time that would come to me during their pregnancy and they're like, oh, I don't want an epidural. I don't want an epidural and I was like, then you need to go to the classes.

You need to practice the breathing techniques when you're not in pain because all that stuff goes out the window the first time that contraction hits and it's the same thing with our spiritual walk.  You knew, okay, this is what I do. I surrender. I always say the place of perfect peace is the place of perfect surrender and you said that prayer But what I pray is whatever Lord just whatever. You also posted this morning on Facebook  the verse from Isaiah 41:10. It's one of my favorite verses and the reason is that when I got really really sick  I kept seeing that verse everywhere, but it was out of the message translation and it says in message translation, "Don't panic!" Our natural response to a stressful event is panic, because like you said, we're not in control.  

Barb: When I was a pharmaceutical sales rep, one of the drugs that I sold was a very popular antidepressant. And I remember how valuable it was for me to just understand our body's response to stress. And so I cover that at the beginning of the book,  but I keep it at a very high level, but it is  helpful for me to remember that in my natural state, my body will react to what my brain perceives as threatening. And the way of Jesus,  when Jesus becomes our peace and our perfect peace, we feel less threatened by the world around us. And when we feel less threatened, our body is not going to react into  fight or flight as often. And for me, that  was really helpful to keep in mind, because there are going to be, and hear me, there are going to be situations in life when we should be stressed. If the doctor calls and says that your kid has type 1 diabetes, you're going to be stressed. And so stress was actually created by God as a protective indicator to tell us that we're reacting  a certain way to our environment. But chronic   stress, when you're stressed all of the time, afraid all the time, anxious all the time, irritable all the time, That's a spiritual issue, because you have what I take from 2 Timothy 1:7, the spirit of fear. When everything is making you anxious and afraid, that is something that Jesus wants you to address. Does that make sense?  

Dr. Vickie: It makes perfect sense to me, and I love the way that fits into lifestyle medicine because we have all of the neurochemicals  that get released. We that fear area of our brain, like the amygdala and all of the neuronal synapses that can actually get wired or rewired because when you're worried and you're anxious, you literally create a neural  pathway that's like a rut in your brain. You just  keep going down that same rut. And so you have to do something to shift that. And we talk about stress management in lifestyle medicine, but there's no magic wand to make it go away. And even Jesus doesn't just make it go away. You have to have these spiritual practices to come to Him.  

Barb: Right. And I love that you talked about the neuropathways and neuroplasticity. And so I want to share a story. I was in the eighth grade.

Vickie and I have met, actually Vickie and I have a picture  of us standing together because I am  overly tall, which meant that when I was a kid, they immediately said this girl should play basketball. So I was in the seventh grade. I went out for the basketball team. Partly because I wanted to play basketball, but also because that's where all the popular girls were at on that team. And I wanted to be popular. So at basketball tryouts, I could run really fast, but, I wasn't that good of a dribbler and   I couldn't shoot all that well. So I didn't make the team. And I'm devastated. Well, the seventh grade coach, her name is Miss Bednarik, still remember her name. She said, Barb, you actually need to be stronger. She said, you're dribbling skills, you just don't have good muscle coordination or shooting. It's  because you need strength. And so she told me when the kids would go to the weight room. And so Vickie that following Tuesday, I showed up at the weight room at my junior high.  I was the only girl in this weight room filled with stinky, sweaty junior high boys. And, this is the eighties folks. We didn't have great  ventilation. We did not have windows. It was basically boys after school and their Old Spice had worn off by lunchtime.   And have there I was, and I had a choice that that I had to make that day. Was I going to keep showing up? And so I started learning how to lift weights.  As this only girl in these pot bottomed glasses, two giant front teeth, And I am oversized  and I'm there with the scrawny boys and every Tuesday and Thursday. I kept showing up and I had to learn how to lift the weights. And then I would struggle and they would help.

And that is practicing. We're not going to be good at it at first, but what makes it matter, is that  we keep showing  up.

If you just have one minute to read your Bible then read for one minute. The practice isn't valid just because you sit there for 20 minutes.  Just do it for 1 minute. If you can pray for one minute,  pray that one minute as often as you can.  God can do something with that.  Other practices are Sabbath.  Maybe you can't get to taking a whole day but can you take just 2 hours to just sit and  rest? Absolutely. But the most important value of practicing is to keep showing up. And so I kept showing up all that seventh grade year, and I got stronger. And I made the eighth grade basketball team. But more importantly, Vickie, I've been lifting  weights since that girl was in the seventh  grade. And now that I am over 50,  part of what the doctor's office told me when they called me last month,  they just said, it appears that the rest of your overall health is so strong. That's why your body has been covering for you this whole time. 

Dr. Vickie: Now I can smell that junior high locker room.  That is such a powerful memory. I can smell it from here.   

Barb: I can still smell it. And it's been 40 years. Whew! It was rough.

Dr. Vickie: I think about the spiritual disciplines, you call them spiritual practices, but  practice always, always, always requires discipline. So I am super excited about your book and I would love for you to tell up our listeners where they can find you, where they can order your book.

And I'm going to look and see if I can find that picture because I'm standing on the hearth, and you're standing on the floor, and you're still taller than me, and that's not saying much because I'm not very tall. 

 Barb: We made quite a sight together. My friends, I have to say, we looked as cute as cute could be, but definitely, one of us is, is, is super  action packed. That's me saying that you're short: Action packed. And then one of us is just real, real tall.

There is actually a Bible study that goes with the "Stronger than Stress" book,  I am primarily a Bible study author. So for those  of you who do love Bible study, there is  a six week Bible study with video that you can access. Both book and Bible study are available anywhere you love  to purchase your books and Bible studies. 

You can do them separately, what I recommend is that you get either a book club with some friends, or a Bible study group with some girlfriends so that you can all talk and journey together.   

Dr. Vickie: Yes, there's so much power in together.  

Barb: There is, there is. And, if women want more information or maybe they just want to check things out, uh, you can check over to barbroose. com. I have a link there where you can check out the book and the Bible study group.   And on top of that, you can actually watch the  first video session, so that you can decide whether you want to share that with some friends and say, Hey, do we want to get a group together and talk about how we can live less stressed with more peace every day?   

Dr. Vickie: That is so awesome. Well, I appreciate you coming and talking to us about stress management. And I think it just fits perfectly with lifestyle medicine. I always say that that's one that you just absolutely cannot do without Jesus.   

Barb: Amen. I love that wisdom. Love it.

 Dr. Vickie: Wow, what words of wisdom from someone who has such a passion for following Christ. And I hope that that will make you want to dive into God's Word a little bit more. And if the Bible is unfamiliar to you, take a peek for yourself, because there is a peace that passes understanding, and there is a rest that is possible through Jesus Christ.

And I would challenge you to check it out for yourself and see. But Barb really didn't tell  you all there is to know about herself. Go to her website.   You're going to want to know more about her. It's barbroose. com. I'll put a link in the show notes. 

 This is an edited transcript of this episode. 

BarbRoose.com

Stronger Than Stress Book

Stronger than Stress Bible study